Romantic Couples

There are still people who believe the fairy tale – that romance comes naturally and when it doesn’t, or the original feelings that were there in the beginning start to fade, something is wrong. Well, nothing could be further from the actual truth. Love needs to be kept alive, and that requires attention, time, a willingness to keep things fresh and new, and learning how to reconnect when necessary. This list of steps will help you start reconnecting with your partner, and show you how to keep the love alive and well.

Step 1: Let go of the old routines.

After the initial thrill of first coming together is over, many people get into a rut and start taking the other for granted. They assume the relationship is solid so it no longer matters if they’re late, don’t spend as much time on their appearance as they did, or figure they can hang out more with their friends now that everything is set. However, this is when it becomes crucial that you recognize these are all ways we start to sabotage the relationship. If the two people involved stop feeling they are cared about and valued by each other, the feelings of love can start to fade quickly.

It’s time to break up routines. Time to snap out of ruts. Begin taking time to plan for some romantic, exciting, totally delicious time together! Even if only for a short amount of time. Plan to dedicate some time to this relationship that absolutely NOTHING will interrupt. Consider this a sacred time for the both of you, and while you’re together do things that make both of you feel completely fulfilled.

Step 2: Take charge of how you will choose to see your partner each day.

The feelings that exist between partners are often influenced by the way they choose to see each other. Do you see your partner as your hero? Is this someone you respect and look up to? Or do you find yourself more focused on their faults? After a relationship has been going on for a while it becomes easy to start seeing each other as just plain ordinary. And that is a guaranteed technique for dousing any fire that may have existed between you. Go back to first falling in love and remember you only saw the best in each other and focused on the wonderfulness of it all. If you want the love to stay alive, that’s what you need to keep doing.

There are two exercises that will help this. Start a personal notebook where you write down your experiences as well as feelings. Be sure to take time to read it now and then. Set aside a certain time every day that’s focused totally on the relationship and what’s possible for both of you.

Exercise A – How You See Your Partner

Take some time out to sit down and write a description of how you visualize your partner. Who are they to you right now? How do you really feel about them? Just write it down without any censoring of feelings or thoughts.

Next, write down how you saw your partner the first time you met, and how you felt about them at that time. Now step back and see how much your feelings of closeness to them are being affected by the way you perceive them today. Remember, how you are perceiving a person is completely under your control. You could have the most beautiful person in the world standing in front of you, but if YOU don’t see it, it isn’t there.

Try consciously looking at your partner in the same way you did the first time you met them. They will begin feeling the effects of this and start doing the same to you.

Exercise B – Stop pushing them away from you.

There are so many small things we tend to do (consciously and unconsciously) that push our partners away from us. A lot of people have a real fear of intimacy and tend to do things that short circuit it. In your notebook write down the ways you use to push your partner away. This is not a matter of blaming yourself, but to become aware of those times when instead of inviting closeness you are actually slamming on your brakes.

Now, make a conscious decision to change your behavior. Every day take just one example off your list (ways you have pushed them away) and do exactly the opposite. An example would be, instead of criticizing them in front of friends, give compliments in front of those same friends. You’ll be surprised by the great effects a couple small actions can make.

Step 2: Understanding those hidden expectations.

Nothing seems to create a faster disconnection between partners than all those expectations we seem to have and are not fulfilled for us. Whether we are aware of it or not, we all bring our own dreams and expectations to every relationship we become involved in. And there is absolutely nothing that can cause greater disappointment and hurt than those expectations not being fulfilled.

Step back for a moment and really think about what your expectations are for your partner. Will it be possible for them to meet your expectations, or do they even want the same things you do from this relationship?

If we are honest about it, it’s more often our unmet expectations which make us mad, rather than the other person. If you want to have a relationship that is close and satisfying, you have to take an honest look at whether or not your expectations can be met. You have to be honest and see how you and your partner’s expectations line up. You also need to decide if either of you can fulfill them for the other. Be honest – are these realistic expectations or a childhood fantasy that you still carry around.

Exercise C- Allowing your partner to fulfill your dreams.

Become conscious of which of your expectations your partner can meet. Now decide if you’re willing to be satisfied with the knowledge. Is it possible for you to feel gratitude for what you are being given? Sometimes just recognizing that what your partner has to offer is good enough for you, the love tends to be re-ignited.

And be sure to let them know that they are making you happy. Most everyone has a great desire to know, and be told, that they are really important to you.

Step 6: Choose Your Partner Once Again

Once you’ve put in the time to take these steps, you’ll not only start feeling a greater connection with your partner, you’ll also realize you’re with them because there’s no place else you would choose to be. And that will change your relationship to one of choice, not convenience. When you can consciously choose your partner again, knowing absolutely they’re the one you want in your life, that’s when you know you have reconnected with the love you started out with.

Sometimes it is even more beautiful to make this a conscious process. Go to your notebook and write down in great detail all the ways you are wish to recommit to your partner, as well as listing all the aspects of them that cause you have these feelings. When you do this exercise on a regular basis, you not only are keeping the love alive and the relationship feeling fresh, but we remind ourselves why we want to be with our partners, what our part of the relationship is, and of the great joy and romance that is there for us to have forever.

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