Handling Conflict in a Relationship
Whether you're dating, newlyweds, or you've been married for years, at some point conflict will arise between you and your partner. Every relationship will experience conflict; in fact, the ability of a couple to handle conflict in a healthy way is the sign of a good relationship. But healthy conflict is something that many people aren't willing to experience; we'd rather insist, sometimes strongly, that we are right and the other person is wrong. This sort of black-or-white perspective can damage a relationship and should be avoided.
To handle conflict in a healthy, stable way, you should first identify your conflict triggers and those of your spouse of partner. For many people, conflict swirls around in the Big Three: finances, money, and children. When these issues arise – and they will – it's necessary for both partners to acknowledge that this problem has been causing trouble for a long time. Then they can resolve to enter into the discussion with the willingness to listen to the other point of view, and present their own side clearly and logically.
When conflict emerges, learn not to simply blot out your spouse or partner's position on an issue. Don't simply insist you know what you know, and that's that. Try to state clearly what you're thinking and what you want, and then listen closely to your partner's response. You can demonstrate that you have listened and understood them by simply repeating parts of what they said.
Don't change the subject: discuss the problem at hand, as fully as possible. Steer clear of hurtful generalities such as "You always do this" and other similar lines. And do not let the conversation sink down to the level of name calling. If you use strong language, such as curses, the other person will shut you out along with the points and messages you're trying to get across. Don't intimidate in any physical way, as this naturally causes the person on the receiving end to become defensive. In some cases men find it difficult to avoid this behavior, thinking that just slamming their fist on the table is simply a way of releasing frustration; in fact, this can truly intimidate one's partner.
When it comes to conflict, there are some clear-cut deal breakers. During an argument, neither partner should get physical with the other, especially when the conversation begins to get heated. If the argument is spiraling down to a place where communication is impossible, it's necessary to find the strength to walk away and cool down; there's a good chance that if things have degenerated to this point, the issues can't be resolved anyway.
Ideally, when conflict flares up in a relationship you and your partner should be working together toward reconciliation. Set a reasonable time limit for solving the problem — if possible, before the end of the day. The worst way to approach problems is to let them fester; when you do this, it's inevitable that the conflict will show up again in the future. Finally, be willing to say you're sorry, as this will show your partner that you care about the relationship rather than the problem.
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